I am Tired of Meditating

Here we go again. I’ve just opened my eyes and need to think about starting the day. There are stretches to be done to prevent chronic lower back pain, lunches to be made for the kids, checking to make sure they have breakfast and all their school supplies packed. Somewhere in the mix I make coffee and get myself ready, too.

Wait.

When the “De-Stressor” Causes Stress: Why You’re Tired of Meditating

I am supposed to be making room for mindfulness meditation. That’s supposed to help get the day moving in the right direction. It’s important to do this exercise, right? To do this I almost have to set an earlier alarm.

The realization hits me. Thinking about the day ahead and staying on schedule, I am feeling more and more strongly: I am tired of meditating. It can be boring and sometimes it feels like nothing is happening anyway. Why am I trying to work so hard to incorporate this into my life? There is no shortage of things I need to do.

This “de-stressor” is causing me stress! I decide to review why I am doing this and what it accomplishes. While a reduction in stress typically occurs, the point of the exercise is not to reduce stress in that moment but to center myself and build awareness of everything internal and external. Awareness – being fully present here and now and accepting. After engaging in a session of mindfulness meditation the experience often results in a sense of calm focus, not necessarily “de-stressed”.

What do I want to bring to each day and how does mindfulness meditation get me there? I am able to live a value-driven life with this awareness and being present in the moment. I am aware of my thoughts and remember that no thought has inherent value or meaning until I give it. Being fully present allows me to focus on the thoughts pertinent to my life and my current activity. With mindfulness practice I am able identify my emotions. I am able to sit with them instead of in them. In the moment awareness also allows me to recognize information from my body. Again, I can choose how much attention to give what I am feeling and can be aware of any meaning I might be giving these physiological signals.

The Science of Mindfulness: Neuroplasticity and Brain Health

The “geek” in me is motivated by the neurological changes associated with practice. Mindfulness meditation has been shown to induce neuroplasticity, increase cortical thickness, reduce amygdala reactivity, and improve brain connectivity and neurotransmitter levels. Regular practice provokes structural changes at the neural level, specifically in cortical thickness in areas related to emotion regulation and sensory processing. The result is often reduced anxiety, worry, and depression. Mindfulness practice also can help with pain management. Regular practice has been shown to change activity within the brain in areas involved in pain perception and emotional processing (around the orbitofrontal cortex and anterior cingulate cortex). Additionally, practitioners have been found to have higher levels of the neurotransmitters GABA and serotonin and increased levels of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF). GABA acts as a calming agent of sorts in the brain while serotonin functions to aid in regulating mood. BDNF is a protein found in the brain and spinal cord that promotes the survival, growth, and differentiation of neurons. It is important to processes like learning, memory, and neuroplasticity. Lastly, mindfulness practice has been shown to reduce levels of cortisol, a hormone released during the experience of stress.

Breaking the Cycle: Using Awareness to Escape Autopilot

As much as I may not feel like it at times, this practice of mindfulness meditation buys me the version of myself I want to be. The name of the game is “increased awareness”. This practice results in increased awareness which allows me to participate in my life in a richer capacity. I am no longer going through the motions of prescribed routines. Yes, I must remain aware of the time and who is supposed to be; however, I can be present and fully engaged in what I am doing. No activity needs to feel boring, essentially, if I approach it from this position. This increased awareness allows me to respond to others and situations in a chosen manner rather than just reacting. Autopilot isn’t just for driving or doing dishes. We go on autopilot ALL.THE.TIME. We do it while engaging in numerous activities. We do it in our interactions. Someone says something or does something that looks just enough like another experience from the past and we have automatic reactions in the present. We go on autopilot emotionally.

Keeping up the mindfulness practice will allow me to be engaged with the present and not react. My emotions do not need to dictate how I behave. The awareness includes physiology. This is important because the things I am experiencing physiologically can impact my threshold or tolerance level. What that means is if my head hurts, my back hurts, my knee hurts, or I had poor sleep my threshold for tolerating stressors goes down. If I adopt a level of acceptance of my physiology, I will be better able to navigate the day. Also, this awareness of my physiology and its impact on my threshold may signal me to recognize I am in a sensitive mood or more likely to take things negatively.

Lastly, this increased awareness often leads to increased gratitude. I have found being present fosters an appreciation…well, in general. I have developed an appreciation for small things since beginning a mindfulness practice. This may be small details in the everyday places I go, something involving nature, or just finding beauty in the mundane. That’s really part of mindfulness, though; nothing is mundane. This increased appreciation essentially cuts down on room for negativity. My experience has been that the more I appreciate the small details in daily life, the less angry and negative I feel. I can’t be angry, really, if I just found joy in watching a squirrel scurry about.

The 7 Attitudes of MBSR: Lessons from Jon Kabat-Zinn

The mindfulness practice I follow is most closely associated with the practices and guidelines of Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction as studied and written about by Jon Kabat-Zinn (See his book Full Catastrophe Living). The cornerstone of mindfulness is suspending judgment. As we engage in these awareness-building exercises, the goal is to accept whatever is there without judgment or alteration. The seven attitudes of mindfulness established in Kabat-Zinn’s writing are:

• Non-judging
• Patience
• Beginner’s mind
• Trust
• Non-striving
• Acceptance
• Letting go

This means that the practitioner observes thoughts and feelings without labeling them as “good” or “bad”. The practitioner also practices patience, recognizing things unfold in their own time and allowing the natural pace of life. They engage in the Beginner’s Mind, meaning they approach each moment as if they are seeing it for the first time. Trust means the individual develops faith in their own inner wisdom, intuition, and feelings, rather than seeking external validation. The approach of non-striving means being present, the practice itself is the goal. The practice of acceptance is important because it acknowledges reality as it is in the present moment, which helps forge a clear understanding of actions to take. Lastly, letting go refers to releasing rigid patterns that have been established.

Reclaiming Your Practice: How to Set Realistic Meditation Goals

How does this all translate into practice? First, be gentle with yourself if you can’t always meet meditation goals. Adding stress to your life over not doing things that might be helpful is pointless. It is important to have goals for practice, but adhering to them without regard for other factors will lead to negative outcomes. It is Important to be realistic when setting meditation goals. I prefer to do it first thing in the morning. It gives me a solid start to the day. That may not work for everyone, though. Find something that works for you. It is a challenge, but it should be a realistic challenge. Once you create goals for yourself you need to hold yourself accountable for your practice. It is important to set realistic goals. As you implement this practice, it is important to identify roadblocks to practice. What gets in the way of practicing? Be honest with yourself. Are the hindrances real hindrances or an excuse not to practice?

I have decided to renew my investment in a mindfulness practice. When I don’t want to or don’t readily see the point, I will remind myself of why I do it. I said it before, but mindfulness practice allows me to be the person I want to be.